Resource families have a critical role in maintaining connections between children and their families. It is essential for resource families to create an environment that is supportive of the entire family while strengthening the relationship between the child and his or her family. Most children placed in care are reunified with their families. When resource parents support the child’s entire family, they have the opportunity to have a positive influence on a family forever.
Resource families must "demonstrate respect for the foster child's own family and work with the child's family members as indicated in the Case Plan and Family Contact Plan (7 AAC 67.100(a)(7)). It is very important to the child’s success in out-of-home care that the child maintains contact with his or her parents, siblings and other family members. This contact may be either liberal or restricted and is dependent upon the parameters set forth in the Family Contact Plan. It is important that all resource families review and discuss the Family Contact plan with the child’s assigned worker.
The Alaska Center for Resource Families has training workbooks and tips for resource parents to understand and support the family contact plan. Resource parents have an important role in contacts between a child and their parents. If the contacts take place in the foster home, you will be more involved. When contacts take place elsewhere, you can help the child adjust before and afterwards. Your role is to support the child and strengthen the child-parent relationship.
An icebreaker is the first meeting between the child’s parents, assigned worker, resource parent, and sometimes the child in care. In some areas, an ice-breaker meeting occurs soon after placement takes place. This meeting gives the resource parent and the child’s parent a chance to:
If your area does not have an “Ice Breaker” meeting, working with the assigned worker to reach out to the child’s parents early in the process will help establish a relationship of trust.
Your level of contact with a child’s parent will depend on you, the assigned worker and the case plan. Resource parents must "demonstrate a willingness to work cooperatively with children in care, the child's parents, other family members, and the department" (7 AAC 67.100(a)(9)). The relationship between you and the child’s parent will be different in every situation.
Many parents will see you as a support to their family, and their children. For many parents, their guilt, embarrassment or shame may make it difficult for them to engage with you and your family. However, the more parents and resource families are in contact and are working together, the more successful and positive the child’s placement experience will be.
Sometimes, a child’s parent may see a resource family as a threat because they are now assuming the role of “the parent” to the child. The child’s parent may feel jealous if the child shows affection toward you. Some parents may try to regain control through criticizing how you dress or feed the child; complain to the assigned worker about you, or allege the child is being abused or neglected in your home. Although it is difficult not to take these things personally, it’s helpful to remember that the child’s parent is trying to stay connected with the child. Their caring about how their child is dressed or is fed is a strength. When the child can see you working with their parent it brings a sense of reassurance to the child that their world is okay. Overall, the person who receives the biggest benefit when everyone works together is the child.
It is important for the child to see you involve their parent in ways as simple as bringing a snack to visits so the parent can feed the child or ask the parent’s opinion about a situation. If the goal is to reunite families, resource families should encourage a parent’s attempts to care for the child.
Your first responsibility is to support the case plan for the child. It is important not to take sides with the child’s parent against the assigned worker or allow contacts not on the contact schedule established in the case plan. Resource families are obligated to share important information affecting the child with the assigned worker. This includes information a child’s parent divulges, or observations the resource parent makes during a family contact.
If you are uncomfortable with something a parent shares with you, encourage the parent to share the information with the assigned worker.
Your attitude and interaction with a child’s parent are very important to the child in your care. When children are placed in care, they may be confused about why they were removed from their parent, why their parent did not protect them or keep them safe, or even question their love for them.
A resource family needs to show compassion and empathy to the child. By being compassionate, empathetic and having realistic expectations of the child’s parents, you will be more effective in constructively interacting with them and with talking with the child in your care.
OCS values the importance of retaining a child’s ties to their culture and family. Most children in care eventually return to their parents or to relatives. For this reason, family contacts are very important. You need to support the family contacts and help a child stay connected to family members consistent with the case plan.
Below are some ideas of promoting indirect contact:
Some topics for discussions between resource families and the child’s parents include:
When OCS places a child in out-of-home care, OCS is required by law to provide reasonable contacts between the child and his parents, guardian and family members. Reasonable contacts are determined by the nature and quality of the relationship between a child and the family member before removal. OCS may only deny contact to parents or family members if the court determines there is clear and convincing evidence that contact is not in the best interest of the child.
Family contacts help a child maintain connections to their family and allow the child to see that their parents are safe, alive and still a part of their lives. Family contact reassures the child that his or her parents care about and support them and is a chance for the child to receive permission from the parents to be happy where he or she is until it is possible for the child to return home. This reassurance can help sustain the child’s emotional well-being while waiting for permanence to happen. Family contact is also an opportunity for children to experience changes that the parent may have made. As parents relate to their children in a more positive and healthy manner, children will learn to relate to their parents more positively.
The assigned worker will discuss family contacts for any child in your care when the placement is made. "Prior to placement, the department will provide information about the child: known visitation schedules between the child's parents and siblings, if the siblings are placed apart" (7 AAC 67.140(d)(7)). The family contact plan should be outlined in the Placement Packet that you receive at the child’s placement. The assigned worker should update any change in the family contact plan in writing. The assigned worker needs your cooperation to ensure that contacts are a positive experience for the child. Family contacts may take place at OCS offices, the parent’s home, a public place, or the resource family’s home with the permission of the resource family. With assigned worker permission, you might:
Unless otherwise arranged, the resource family is expected to transport the child for family contacts. You should receive reasonable notice of a planned contact. If you have any concerns about a child’s contact with a relative or friend, discuss it with your assigned worker. You should also be clear about what kind of telephone contact is allowed between parent and child, or other relatives and the child (i.e., grandparents, aunts and uncles).
Some contacts may require supervision, meaning that a designated person needs to be present when the child visits the parents. This person may be a third party, or the resource family, if the resource family agrees.
You may be asked to let the parent visit the child in your home. This helps the child know that you trust his parents. The matter of parental contact in your home should be discussed with your assigned worker. You also need to give permission before your phone number can be given to a child’s parent.
At the time of placement, or shortly thereafter, visiting “ground rules” should be discussed and agreed to by all team members (e.g., foster parent, child’s parent, relatives, assigned worker, Tribal worker, etc.). These ground rules may be discussed during the ice-breakers meeting.
A parent may ask to take a child from your home or have contact with a child outside of the regular schedule. Do not let the children go with the parent without the assigned worker’s permission. If the parent demands you hand over the child in your care, do not do so. Encourage the parent to contact the assigned worker or offer to make the contact. Keep telling the child’s parent that you are not allowed to let the child have contact outside of the agreed visitation plan. If parents or other relatives become unruly in your home, ask them to leave. Contact law enforcement if necessary. Notify your assigned worker immediately if any of these situations occur.
If a parent or relative arrives intoxicated to take the child on a planned visit, ask him or her to leave and contact the assigned worker immediately. If the assigned worker is not available, the resource family may refuse to allow the child to leave with the parent or relative under these circumstances. If the parent demands that the child be allowed to leave, law enforcement may be contacted for assistance if the assigned worker is unavailable.
If a parent does not return a child to your home as planned, contact the OCS or DJJ office immediately. If a child returns from a visit and shows any physical signs of abuse, contact the assigned worker immediately.
It is not uncommon that children show increased behavior problems before and after a visit. This may include:
This does not mean that the visits should stop. When children visit parents, often they are reminded of their separation or grief. They may not want a visit to end or may become angry with their parent for missing a visit. These behaviors are to be expected. If children get violent, extremely ill or show signs of having been abused, it is important that you notify the child’s assigned worker immediately. “7 AAC 67.180 (a) A licensee shall report critical incidents immediately or as soon as reasonably possible to the licensing specialist and to (1) the child’s caseworker, during normal work hours; or (2) the department staff who are responsible for after-office hours intake and on-call services. (b)(1) any reasonable cause to believe that a child has suffered child abuse or neglect; (6) any disclosures of sexual or physical abuse of a child reported to the licensee”
The assigned worker may discuss contact arrangements with relatives and friends and request your help with such contacts. If you believe that the child should be having contacts with someone important in the child’s life, discuss the matter with the assigned worker. If a relative or friend contacts you directly about contact with the child, refer the person to the assigned worker. Do not confirm or deny that the child is in your home. Inform the assigned worker about the contact. Do not permit contact between the child and the individual without OCS or DJJ approval.
The bond between siblings is considered the longest and most lasting bond in a child’s lifetime. Therefore, maintaining frequent contacts between siblings is important to the child’s self-identity and sense of self-esteem. Sibling interactions provide an opportunity for siblings to build or maintain family relationships. For children in care, maintaining and building sibling relationships is as important as having contact with their parents. Often children are very close to their siblings and may miss or worry about brothers and sisters. If a child has brothers or sisters in other resource family homes, talk to the assigned worker about contacts between the siblings.
Some things you can do to help the child with contacts include:
After the contact:
If you are caring for a child who is from a different race or culture than your family, you are asked to promote a healthy sense of the child’s culture. This may include:
The assigned worker should tell you the name of the child’s Tribal affiliation or cultural group. With the assigned worker, the resource family should jointly work with the parents, relatives and the Tribe to identify cultural events, foods and activities important to the child. Local organizations, Tribal associations and schools can also assist with local cultural events. If you have a child from a different culture or race, it is important to the well-being of the child to help the child connect with events that reflect his background. Churches and holiday celebrations are examples of appropriate events to help a child connect. Family contacts may be planned around attending community cultural events or gatherings as well.
If a child will be spending a holiday or birthday in your home, ask the child or the child’s family how they celebrated and try to incorporate some of their traditions into your celebration. If appropriate, include the child’s family in the celebration whether it is held in your home or in a mutual community location. This cultural continuity is important to a child’s self-esteem and identity.